Cutting through the ‘it’s all relative’ bullshit I wanted to talk about success. Defining it, feeling proud of it and even saying ‘yep I am a success, now give me some cake’. This blog post comes from a person who had a very dark time after having Harbor. I don’t think we can label it as depression. It was more about the shock that left me unrecognisable both physically and emotionally.
I felt like I was a successful career woman. I had been promoted almost annually since the age of 21. I had run large retail stores in central London. Stood on my own two feet, trained people, implemented ideas and got head hunted numerous times. Lets just say I was pretty fly. Then I had a baby.
My career focus turned off like a switch. From over the top working all hours to never wanting to have to work again. Which slowly turned into having no confidence to work. Looking back this must have been a massive shock to Si. Seeing the person you love change almost overnight. (I do think work ethic is a massive part of who we are.)
I have spoken before about how I fumbled around in early motherhood. There are no appraisals. No one promotes you to senior mother. No one even really evaluates your practices and procedures. You just try to keep the baby happy and healthy so that you don’t end up in prison. (Potentially there is slightly more to it than that, but I am just outlining the basics you understand.)
It took me a few years working in a job that I really didn’t enjoy*, working hours that weren’t really befitting with my lifestyle. (I worked night shifts and then remained awake the following day due to no childcare. Meaning I would often go 36+ hours without any sleep.) It was almost like I was punishing myself for losing my confidence.
You already know that the last 12 months I have been self employed. All of my income comes from creating social media content. When I made that decision last January I don’t think I was ready. And I believe that really is the key. Are we ever ready? I just kept pushing myself out of my comfort zone. Which lead me to where I am today.
I have earned more than double what I did in my previous job. Whether you see social media as a real job or not, it definitely isn’t as easy as it looks from the outside. I feel like I work close to full time now. However it is so flexible that most of that work can be done when the boys are in bed. I don’t set myself many goals as I am still working on my confidence and I don’t want to scare myself off but I wrote a little list of dream brands that I wanted to work with this year. It is April and I have ticked them all off my list bar one. I feel really proud of that.
I am also proud of the work that I didn’t do too. There have been many jobs that I have turned down because they weren’t right regardless of the fee. I even turned down a £1000 coffee machine. That still pains me a little bit but really who owns a £1000 coffee machine! Not me obviously.
I feel like this year has been a success for me. I am getting more confident by the day. Even though it has taken me 7 years to get to a point where I feel I have a career again, I am glad I have finally reached that point. Who knows what the next 12 months have in store.
So there you have it. I feel successful and it feels kinda nice to be able to say that.
Hat and Jacket both H&M
*When I say I didn’t enjoy my job it was more about the hours I worked and the long drive to get there. I actually really enjoyed working with the elderly. Being a care assistant is massively rewarding and I wish it got the recognition it deserves.