The Online Version Of Me

The Online Version Of Me

Lets be honest friends, this post may get a little wanky in places. After all I am talking about myself again but I hope it makes you think about who you are online too.

I do feel like I live a double life. Trying to control what I put out online, spending time wondering how I am perceived. Only to then spend time wondering why I really care. I know that my personality isn’t for everyone and the wonderful thing about the internet is that people are more than happy to let you know which bits of you they don’t like. The funny thing about that is that after a few years of being present online, like ‘Hi I am Cara, let me overshare daily on Instagram’, I have started to notice the parts of me that people don’t warm to happen to be the parts of me I love the most.

Of course there are things I will never share. Parts of my childhood were difficult and have undoubtedly shaped who I am today and how I deal with certain situations. Being a strong believer that you are not defined by the bad things that happen to you. Instead you are defined by the good things that you do, I would rather leave some things in the past where they belong.

Dress – Boden Bag – Mulberry Necklace – Monica Vinader Trainers – Air & Grace

To sum me up in real life, I am blunt. I have a dark sense of humour. I don’t believe in telling my children that everything they do is wonderful. I believe in honesty, even when maybe its a little tough to hear. I am a flakey friend and useless at replying to text messages. I am defensive and often believe people don’t like me, but once you are in my life I will love you fiercely and without question. No matter how much I love you though, if you fall down I will laugh first before helping. Always.

Sounds appealing huh? Don’t all rush to be my friend at once guys.

Online I think before I type, watch before I upload. Always looking for the way I might offend. Though I am always amazed that people still find a way. For example I photographed a fetching sock/trainer combo with the caption ‘It’s called fashion Sharon’ – only for 6 DM’s from different Sharon’s who had taken offence to me using their name. That need to be liked always sits on my shoulder in everything that I do, (It is one of my biggest flaws.) so when I get messages like this it affects me. I wish it didn’t. I am sure I would seem cooler if it didn’t. (Caring what people think of you stops you turning into Katie Hopkins I hear and for that reason I am happy for it to stay.)

So have I been lying to you all? Of course not, I am still me, just the version of me you get after only meeting me twice. The version that will try to drop in a Frankie Boyle joke – just to test the water. I am the girl who tries to reply to every DM fully, even when I am drowning in messages because I don’t want to seem like a twat. I am the girl who doesn’t tell someone they’re are being a dick when there is no doubt in my mind that they are. I am probably the better version of me online. Though it is far too exhausting to be that girl all the time.

 

I will never know how I am perceived online but I hope I come across as a mother trying her best, a women who supports others and someone who is willing to crack a joke even when the shit hits the fan. If I don’t then thats ok too because I know I am those all things.

I do think it is important to be slightly different online. Not to give all of you to the world. There is something special about knowing someone in real life. You work at it, spend time listening and understanding someone. Don’t just give that out to strangers, keep a slice just for the ones who are willing to put up with your shit.

Cara

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21 Comments

  1. March 10, 2018 / 10:18 pm

    Cara,
    this is so beautifully honest, there are those of us who bloody love your dark sense of humour. I really enjoy your insta-stories and have been known to snort-laugh at them on more that one occasion, and as for the haters, well you can’t please every Sharon now can you!
    Don’t change, big hugs.
    Tammy

  2. Sally
    March 10, 2018 / 10:19 pm

    YOU ARE MY FAVOURITE. If you diluted that dark wit & sharp tongue, the world would fall off its axis and we’d all have to wait & have a good laugh before we picked it back up to set it right ! And during that time we might miss Peaky Blinders & THEN where would we be? Hey?HEY??? Xxxx

  3. Flik
    March 10, 2018 / 10:33 pm

    Cara you can’t please everyone in life because everyone is different and not everyone has such a wicked sense of humour as yours and these people you don’t need in your life anyway quite frankly.
    I absolutely love to watch your stories. I do love your posts also but my favourite is your stories.
    I keep thinking about speaking on my stories but I just get too scared as to what people will think but I guess I should just take my own advice and not care. Eek!

  4. Lorna
    March 10, 2018 / 10:52 pm

    Love this honest and beautifully written blog about yourself. You sound like a lovely person who has a great sense of humour. I think it is a waste of energy trying to please everyone, just keep being true to yourself as it seems to me that this is what people love about you.

  5. Hannah
    March 10, 2018 / 11:10 pm

    We love following you because of your personality. You bravely share more of your life on Instagram than most of us would dare and we love you for it. I was taught that people who share negativity are reflecting the negative feelings they have for themselves, so we should just ignore them and pray that they will find some happiness one day in their own lives. Keep being your best self, we love it xxx

  6. March 10, 2018 / 11:20 pm

    I think you are bloody fantastic – my biggest girl crush. I love your sharp wit, bluntness and dark sense of humour, it’s what makes you you.

    I do have one question – how do I get in on the inner circle to be loved fiercely?! I desperately want to be your bff from Yorkshire 😂 x

  7. Clare
    March 10, 2018 / 11:29 pm

    Thanks for sharing. I feel in life people say too freely what they don’t like (nobody asked) and take for granted things they like and value. Me included. I love your blunt honesty and think you’re funny. I love how much you love your children (and animals and husband). And your love of home and hearth. And your wry take on life. I love that you are strong enough to remain true to yourself and insta doesn’t own you. Too many people are too eager to be upset and then shout at you. That’s horrible but it’s not actually about you but about them. The rest of us should speak more loudly and drown them out. I hope that’s what happens for you today. Happy Mother’s Day you’re awesome xx

  8. Simone in Melbourne
    March 10, 2018 / 11:34 pm

    Hello Cara
    I think you are fab. Funny, blunt and a real warm heart is what I see … maybe that’s diluted from the real 24/7 you but I suspect we see the essence of you.
    Love Simone

  9. Jane
    March 11, 2018 / 2:08 am

    Dear Cara,

    Slightly more sentimental post here. I’ve been through some v.tough shit in childhood, onwards, and I feel (to my detriment) that it has defined me, unfortunately. I’ve looked at your account daily and have always told myself how I can never be anywhere near as stable (aka wonderful and brave) as Cara because Cara is a woman who has had the right kind of childhood. I am in awe of you even more than I already was (didn’t think it could go higher) to learn that you are a survivor.

    I may not know the real Cara as I only know the Cara that I see through the squares but I, truly, love her. You are my role model is so many ways. Thank you for sharing your life with us. It’s the best!

  10. Rebecca Shearer
    March 11, 2018 / 3:28 am

    You are the poodle’s plums. Honestly! Love your Insta, as a mum of two boys and with quite a similar relationship with Insta and how I am perceived I totally get it, don’t change a thing. I love your sense of humour! You’re in my top 5 IG accounts….. (including best friends!😂😂😂)

  11. Laura
    March 11, 2018 / 7:19 am

    Well done! There is no doubt in my mind I would love both Caras’. Be as authentic as you can, and the rest well we all worry what others think despite the protests to the contrary x

  12. CC
    March 11, 2018 / 8:14 am

    I don’t know when this happened but folk are offended by everything now and somewhere along the way it became commonplace to voice this regardless of how inane & unfounded their rumblings are – if you don’t like something you see on the internet, it is possible to move past it – in so many accounts you see people ‘announce’ they’re no longer going to “follow” that particular account because of some perceived ‘offence’ – aye, there’s an erm button for that, love! None of the rest of us need to know you’re displeased, you’re not an effin toddler!

    My point…. like a misbehaving toddler this behaviour should be ignored and you shouldnt have to indulge someone’s tantrum. Your ig account is one of the best because it does not seem as ‘filtered’ as others to appeal to a large audience.

    Continue to be yourself, plenty love you for it! xx

    • April 6, 2018 / 6:45 pm

      This is so right! I recently had someone reply to my insta story to tell me that they didn’t like that I had my dog on the lead in the video – sorry, whatt?! What is the need to share that, and what does it have to do with you? I grew up being taught “if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all”. It’s baffling that people need to voice unneccesary disapproval, it’s just hurtful.

  13. Lorraine Smith
    March 11, 2018 / 8:49 am

    I think you’re fabulous. Love your blog and have followed from the start. I love how you have evolved. Your humour is very me and love how this shines through in your writing. Keep doing what you’re doing. Maybe stop offending Sharon’s though. 😂😂😂 that made me spit my tea out all over my phone.

  14. Ann
    March 11, 2018 / 12:52 pm

    I just like you.

    Keep it up!

  15. Janine
    March 11, 2018 / 8:30 pm

    Like others have said already, you are…hands down…my favourite!! Never dilute who you are to please others because the majority of us love what we see and hear – I very much doubt this would change, unless of course you suddenly turned into an axe murderer. No axes please Cara 😁 love you to bits chick 💕 🙌🏻xx

  16. March 21, 2018 / 4:43 pm

    We can’t please everyone online and some people on social media get there tits in a twist over the most trivial thing. But why should we pretend to be something we aren’t just so we don’t upset someone? That is when we start doubting ourselves and bashing who we are as a person, I honestly love your daily waffle on insta stories.

  17. April 6, 2018 / 6:38 pm

    My favourite thing about you is your honest, probably not technically PC, way of talking about life and your hilariously sarcastic humour. Like when you call your son a twat because he threw a tantrum about something ridiculous…it’s so real and not sugar-coated which I find so much more relatable than people who only say the “right” things. That’s a bore. Just keep being who you are, if people don’t like it then they’re just not the people for you. And those 6 Sharon’s need to get a grip and learn to see the funny side of things!

  18. Georgie
    April 10, 2018 / 7:37 am

    Oh cara you’re not a twat, and I’m always surprised at how quickly you reply to DMs so I doubt you’re that flakey.
    You are the only instagrammer Who Inwatch all their stories and look forward to them precisely because of your sarcastic humour constant sunshine and rainbows is boring (to me).

  19. Harriet
    April 11, 2018 / 4:36 pm

    What a great blog. Beautifully written and so honest. Keep doing what you’re doing, enjoy it and never change xx

  20. Charlotte
    May 11, 2018 / 8:09 pm

    I love this, I feel like in this you have managed to describe pretty much my own personality. I might print this to hand out to people I meet to short circuit the whole ‘we thought you were a bit (obviously being a bit polite) of a twat until we got to know you and ‘actually’ you are really nice.
    I really enjoy your insta and you have got a bloody cracking sense of humour!
    P.S – total hair envy

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