A few weeks ago Si and I went through a rocky patch in our relationship. During this time I felt crushed by all the images across Instagram of the perfect families and relationships and started to wonder if I had no idea at all about what a functioning marriage actually looked like. I also found myself embarrassed that I had always been so smug thinking that we would never have to experience this.
It feels very difficult to write this post. I am used to letting people into my world and being honest about the high and lows that I experience. I think that this topic seems sacred and precious and thats why I have never written anything like this before. I would have loved to have seen behind closed doors of other couples when we had those tough few weeks. Been given a sense of what was normal, when its the right time to fight to stay together and when it isn’t.
In all honesty I sometimes do feel that I got the shit deal when I married Si. I feel like this when I see other partners buying flowers or having date nights. Mostly its when I see another mum being poorly and their husband taking time off work to look after the children for her. That does seem like a jackpot husband to me. Si doesn’t even look after the boys if I need a smear! The other thing that cuts deep is when I see women changing their minds and their husbands being ok with it. If we bought a pair of curtains and got them home and I didn’t like them, I would literally have to wait till we moved house to get a different pair. Si takes no prisoners, he just doesn’t have time for it.
This isn’t a husband bashing post. Si is incredible in so many ways and although most of them are perhaps unconventional and not at the top of the romantic list, they are the reasons I fell in love with him. We have been together for over 7 years now and apart from the few months after Harbor was born we have never had any hard times in our relationship. A few weeks ago we had started arguing over absolutely nothing and just seemed unable to solve any of our fights without just going to sleep and pretending nothing happened the next day. I would say there was a turning point when I started googling rented accommodation and then took stock of the situation. Realising the severity of what I was doing and how things were, gave me a real kick up the bum to turn it back around. For us that seemed like such an easy thing to do. Its was like we needed to hate each other for a few weeks to realise how much we actually didn’t hate each other at all.
Im still not sure why we had this difficult patch but it was around a time when I felt very stressed about work and was having trouble sleeping. This was obviously contributing to arguments. Im not here to offer any advice because every relationship is different. I just wanted to put this post out there because I know first hand how those pretty squares on Instagram can make you feel so isolated sometimes. Im guilty of posting pretty pictures because I like my feed to look pretty. Over here on the blog however I much prefer to tell it like it is and I always need to remind myself that what works for others won’t necessarily work for us.
We are back to being happy and working a little harder to keep it that way.
‘Comparison is the death of joy‘