Those Rocky Roads

Those Rocky Roads

A few weeks ago Si and I went through a rocky patch in our relationship. During this time I felt crushed by all the images across Instagram of the perfect families and relationships and started to wonder if I had no idea at all about what a functioning marriage actually looked like. I also found myself embarrassed that I had always been so smug thinking that we would never have to experience this.

It feels very difficult to write this post. I am used to letting people into my world and being honest about the high and lows that I experience. I think that this topic seems sacred and precious and thats why I have never written anything like this before. I would have loved to have seen behind closed doors of other couples when we had those tough few weeks. Been given a sense of what was normal, when its the right time to fight to stay together and when it isn’t.

In all honesty I sometimes do feel that I got the shit deal when I married Si. I feel like this when I see other partners buying flowers or having date nights. Mostly its when I see another mum being poorly and their husband taking time off work to look after the children for her. That does seem like a jackpot husband to me. Si doesn’t even look after the boys if I need a smear! The other thing that cuts deep is when I see women changing their minds and their husbands being ok with it. If we bought a pair of curtains and got them home and I didn’t like them, I would literally have to wait till we moved house to get a different pair. Si takes no prisoners, he just doesn’t have time for it.

This isn’t a husband bashing post. Si is incredible in so many ways and although most of them are perhaps unconventional and not at the top of the romantic list, they are the reasons I fell in love with him. We have been together for over 7 years now and apart from the few months after Harbor was born we have never had any hard times in our relationship. A few weeks ago we had  started arguing over absolutely nothing and just seemed unable to solve any of our fights without just going to sleep and pretending nothing happened the next day. I would say there was a turning point when I started googling rented accommodation and then took stock of the situation. Realising the severity of what I was doing and how things were, gave me a real kick up the bum to turn it back around. For us that seemed like such an easy thing to do. Its was like we needed to hate each other for a few weeks to realise how much we actually didn’t hate each other at all.

Im still not sure why we had this difficult patch but it was around a time when I felt very stressed about work and was having trouble sleeping. This was obviously contributing to arguments. Im not here to offer any advice because every relationship is different. I just wanted to put this post out there because I know first hand how those pretty squares on Instagram can make you feel so isolated sometimes. Im guilty of posting pretty pictures because I like my feed to look pretty. Over here on the blog however I much prefer to tell it like it is and I always need to remind myself that what works for others won’t necessarily work for us.

We are back to being happy and working a little harder to keep it that way.

Comparison is the death of joy‘ 

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66 Comments

  1. Anna
    February 23, 2017 / 7:23 am

    Thank you, Cara for writing this post. You’re so right that Instagram seems full of perfect families and it can be downright depressing when real life is not quite so rosy. I’m 8 months into life with my second child (first is 2.5), it’s really tough. On one hand reading about other people’s lives on their blogs and seeing glimpses on instagram provides so much inspiration but on the other it can make you feel that you’re the only one with ‘issues’. I hope things with you and Si are resolving – marriages take a lot of work, and when life (and kids) makes things hard, it’s easy to forget all the things you love about each other. Oh, and you’re totally not the only whose husband takes no prisoners – but there are positives to living with a man who knows his mind (em…)
    I love your blog, you’ve been keeping me going through my tired and dark days with 2 babies! Thank you

    • Cara
      February 23, 2017 / 9:54 am

      I wouldn’t want him any other way but flowers wouldn’t go a miss. I was nervous about writing this post so thank you for your lovely response.

    • Emma
      February 23, 2017 / 4:49 pm

      Cara,
      I’m so pleased you have written this blog. I have been with my husband for 24 years we have two boys like yourselves however I wish mine were little still & not 17 & 13. I can totally relate to everything you have said. In the years we have been together hubby has only ever made me one hot drink 😤 & then he did he didn’t even sugar it as he said he didn’t know I took sugar 🙄😤. The reason I’m replying is that for all the bad bits about them there’s loads of good as you have said Si is good in other ways, & so is my husband & that’s why we love them. In 24 years we have been through lots & lots of ups & downs & like you I’ve looked at going but I’ve realised that actually these times make our relationship & have made it stronger. I was also like you with the Instagram squares – perfect lives – perfect homes I’ve had to tell myself now that they are only photographing the good & there’s never any bad (not real life) so I applaud you for keeping it real. I wish you & Si many happy years ahead of you , it’s not easy but you’ll be fine. 😘Xxxxxx sorry if I waffled xx

  2. Sarah
    February 23, 2017 / 7:58 am

    Thanks Cara, another insightful post. Your honesty is one of the reasons I love following your blog.

    To confess, I’m so guilty of idealising the pretty pictures on other people’s IG, including yours, and when I do I feel both happiness (because of all the cool pics) but there is always a side-salad of jealousy, followed by a self-loathing chaser as my own life feels a million miles from the life I wish I were living.

    I think there’s definitely a fine line between following social media for inspiration and getting updates from friends & family you don’t always see, to getting pulled into the spiral of comparison doom. To constantly pitch yourself again others is in a way a natural survival instinct, but humans take it one step further and the self-loathing and constant questioning of ones happiness and the what if this and what if that…it’s a dangerous, slippery slope.
    Sometimes we just need that kick to get ourselves out of the rut. I’m glad you found yours, I still need to find mine…

    Sarah x

    • Cara
      February 23, 2017 / 9:55 am

      I think sometimes taking a little break from social media helps! Although thats hard to do. Thank you for taking the time to read x

  3. Annie-Jo
    February 23, 2017 / 8:18 am

    I needed to read this so much. Me and Tom went through a shitty patch over Christmas to the point that we didn’t even spend NYE together. I was seeing all these happy family pictures and people gushing about the year they had had and I felt heartbroken by it all.
    We’re fine now, and I too think that we needed that time to realise that we do love each other and do want to be together. And I also am guilty of posting perfect pictures of my ‘wonderful husband’ when times are good, but I wouldn’t dare post anything when we’re arguing and both threatening to throw in the towel.
    So thank you for this, it’s so reassuring to see that other marriages aren’t perfect either! And I’m so glad that you guys are back on track now x

    • Cara
      February 23, 2017 / 9:57 am

      Thank you. I was worried about posting this because I don’t want people looking back and thinking I was being dishonest because I hadn’t mentioned it at the time. Sometimes not everything is for instagram is it!

  4. February 23, 2017 / 9:10 am

    Love your honesty and I think I would be more worried about a couple who never argue than a couple being perfect all the time. Living up to the idea of perfect is tough and as much as instagram is brilliant and fuels ideas and creates a community it can be the comparison of doom on those off days if you let it.
    I really do think these things come in waves and you said yourself that there were numerous contributions that escalated it. After years of trying to make my hubby change or do those adorable things you hear your friends boast off, I have come to love the little moments that mean so much more and that I know is his way of loving.
    Thanks again for this very real and true post and hoping you don’t search the rentals anytime soon.
    Gem

    • Cara
      February 23, 2017 / 9:57 am

      Thats true. I was stupid to think everything would be rosy all the time. Marriages definitely require effort!

  5. Kelly
    February 23, 2017 / 9:54 am

    Hugs, that’s all I have to say, you know I think modern life is hard, with all the standards and expectations we place on ourselves and others. It’s hard enough being ok with yourself and liking yourself, to be 100% is love with another all the time isn’t realistic. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them, just that life takes it’s toll.

  6. Kelly
    February 23, 2017 / 9:54 am

    Hugs, that’s all I have to say, you know I think modern life is hard, with all the standards and expectations we place on ourselves and others. It’s hard enough being ok with yourself and liking yourself, to be 100% is love with another all the time isn’t realistic. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them, just that life takes it’s toll.

  7. Jo
    February 23, 2017 / 10:27 am

    I kinda like that instagram is all about the pretty. Its like my ‘happy place’ to escape to. Facebook is for poo reality, not my precious IG.

    My husband is quite ‘hard’ (is that the right word?!) too. I try to take it as a compliment that he respects me enough not to ‘baby’ me and wants an equal partner in life.

    I do want flowers on valentines though. Non negotiable. We don’t do xmas pressies for each other though…

  8. Vikki
    February 23, 2017 / 10:32 am

    This is a very brave and honest post Cara. You are amazing and inspirational for sharing it. I feel you know you are over it once you can share it. You are so right, we all need to remember Instagram is often a snap shot of people’s happy and we all do experience rough times its how we deal with those times that matter. I always tell myself everyone’s got shit, no one is perfect. It’s gets me through 😂Xxx

  9. February 23, 2017 / 10:35 am

    I get this. I get this so, so much! I have these same issues with my other half at times. We’ve been together for nearly 12 years….he’s all I’ve ever known…..and we fight like our lives depend on it sometimes, but we’re still going, sometimes strong, sometimes holding on by a thread. And having a child changes everything, the whole relationship dynamic shifts. So I get this, I really truly do. And props to you for being so honest! x

  10. Debbie
    February 23, 2017 / 10:41 am

    Great post Cara, I think the key is definately talking about it…. even last night my husband told me i need to share more! He came home grumpy and tired after a hard day at work so instead of telling him some good news, i just ignored him!! I definatley didnt make him feel any better. Most of the time I want/need him to always be 100% happy/smiley/positive, but looking back thats so selfish of me! Your post has given me food for thought. Thank-you x

  11. February 23, 2017 / 10:47 am

    I’ve been married 12 years and with my husband for 20. We have 3 kids, youngest is 2 and life is manic. I’ve never had flowers – 99p daffodils don’t count. He rarely does birthdays or anniversaries. To be honest I don’t think many husbands do those things. And as I tell myself are those the important things? Probably not. The changing your mind thing – life is too short to live with the wrong curtains. I think you should stand your ground there- some things are sacred!

  12. Tara
    February 23, 2017 / 11:29 am

    Cara, what an honest read! I have had periods of feeling isolated since having a baby. It puts pressure on a marriage and the fun, passion and what it “used” to be like before seems so much harder to find. i think we all constantly compare our lives to everyone else’s but lately I’ve learnt, now I’m feeling more like myself again, to just concentrate on what makes you both happy. Trust me, you’re not alone. We’ve all been through that tough phase. I’m glad it’s passed for you two 😊 X.

  13. Ruth Klabe
    February 23, 2017 / 11:37 am

    Instagram/social media can be both the best and worst thing in the world. Instagram does wonders for the interior of my house and my wardrobe but nothing for my bank balance, my thoughts and my OCD.
    Just when I’m happy with something I look on Instagram and then all things change and I’m a crazy obsessed lady who now must change the whole layout of a room.
    I have a very lovely boyfriend who supports me, when I don’t support him, puts up with my ocd, when I constantly tell him he is the slob of the house and who lets me buy endless numbers of curtains, cushions, flowers and stuff when I moan at him for spending £7 on a magazine.
    He tells me a lot of the time that no one else could put up with me because of all my issues and when I see perfect little pictures of couples on date night those aren’t the thoughts that are going through my head, because a) I want date night and b) the grass is always greener and c) how dare he say that because he isn’t perfect…..but is the grass greener without him……no probably not. We argue, we shout, we scream, we say mean things but that’s life….instagram is not life it’s a perfect world we all aspire to live in. Reading blogs like yours and articles like this make people realise that behind the pretty squares is a normal person who has the same normal things happen to her as the rest of us and that is far more comforting than anything else especially when you may be contemplating a few little things in life.
    x

  14. Elaine
    February 23, 2017 / 11:55 am

    I read your blog with interest and with a smile and a little of “believe me when your older non of that shit really matters” What matters is that you still look forward to him coming through the door, that only he loves you like no other regardless of how nuts you are. And you the same with him. I’ve learnt that men just don’t get or see what’s important to us unless we tell them. I’ve been really poorly in hospital, seriously ill, most people don’t survive what I went through, but my husband was there every day, getting on my nerves, making me laugh, wiping my tears and helping me walk. And yes that’s what’s expected of him and I’m probably not making sense but what I’m trying to say is the little things, may be huge at the time, don’t really matter and that’s what men think. Men see so much in black & white and women see everything in fluffy clouds and colour. Communication is the key to life and dealing with our lovely (mostly) men.

  15. Katy
    February 23, 2017 / 12:10 pm

    Maybe he feels pressured by the while situation….you seen a very high maintenance person by wanting lots of expensive things and si seems like the total opposite…maybe just try and enjoy the simple things in life without having to spend spend spend. ..it stresses men out…like what they do isn’t good enough and they feel like they can never please because us women want want want….life isn’t about material things!

    • Cara
      February 23, 2017 / 12:27 pm

      Hi Katy, I respect your opinion however I feel sad that you have taken the time to write this. I wrote this post because when I was having a difficult patch I wish I had been able to see that other people go through it too. I didn’t write it so a complete stranger could tell me it was my fault by guessing what Si and my personalities are like.

      • Kirsty Steel
        February 23, 2017 / 6:23 pm

        You don’t have to justify yourself, Cara! Only you two know your relationship. I’m sure I speak for a lot of people when I say that reading this is like a breath of fresh air. It’s too easy to get wrapped up in instagrammers perfect lives but no one ever sees the bigger picture! So, thank you for being honest and vulnerable, people need that xxx

        • Olivia
          February 23, 2017 / 10:32 pm

          “Katy” sounds an awful lot like those random trolls on Instagram commenting on your beautiful Mulberry bag 😂🤔

          Thanks for the post Cara – refreshingly honest and relatable xx

    • Leanne Straker
      February 23, 2017 / 12:56 pm

      I think Katy needs to learn to put the correct words into a sentence 😅 No doubt she’s in a perfect relationship with no arguments or bickering. Her kids must perfect in every way possible. She probably shit rainbows too 😅 She’s just jealous of you Cara.

      • craftymumofthree
        February 26, 2017 / 6:38 am

        I think “Katy” (don’t believe it’s her real name) is a very sad lady who spends her day getting worked up over other people’s lives. Sifting through Instagram huffing and puffing about who’s got pretty new things and a reasonably happy life. Take absolutely no notice of “Katy” and carry on doing whatever makes you happy x

    • Caron
      February 23, 2017 / 1:02 pm

      Katy how do you know Cara seems high maintenance, just because she likes to buy pretty things for her home. I think this is quite mean to type this ! You have a right to an opinion but I’m not sure you should share it when it maybe blatantly upset someone else.

      If you can’t say something nice then say nothing at all!

      This article is just to show other people that’s marriages are different and can be difficult at times !

      Lots of love Cara !

      Hope Sonny behaves for you later xx 😘

    • @katebroadbeltx
      February 23, 2017 / 1:08 pm

      So so rude, even if anyone were to assume that, they have no right to give relationship advice you didn’t ask for so judgementally just because you choose to write about it. Beautiful honest words, and that is why you rock Mama 🤘🏼 xo

    • Soph
      February 23, 2017 / 1:23 pm

      Hark at ‘Katy’ 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 silly lady.

      • Nicole
        February 23, 2017 / 2:28 pm

        I love this post because I think most of us have been through a similar thing with their partners at some point! As for being materialistic…… you bought a new sofa ……so did I two months ago……. you have bought a new chair ……yes I bought one as well…… clothes and pretty shoes for yourself and your two lovely boys……we all are guilty of that!!! So it must mean that I’m materialistic as well then!!!! 😘😘xxx

    • Jenna
      February 23, 2017 / 6:30 pm

      Have you ever heard the phrase ‘ if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all’
      Can’t understand why you felt the need to comment, you obviously have this image/ perception of cara, if you think she’s high maintenance etc why read her blog! If I had this perception of someone I wouldn’t read their blog let alone make such a ridiculous comment on such a heart felt post!

    • Janice
      February 24, 2017 / 10:44 am

      Katy of course your life must be so bloody perfect! Who are you to judge anyone’s relationship? Such a harsh comment to leave. Why follow Cara in the first place if your feelings are do strong about her. It’s all about good vibes here and I adore her honesty in every post! Cara keep up the honesty, everyone can relate!

      Cara on a more positive note maybe this bump in the road was just a wakeup call to look at things in a different light. No Man, Woman or relationship is perfect, we just need to remember why we fell in love in the first place.

  16. February 23, 2017 / 12:34 pm

    I love this post. Before we moved into our new home in September, every day Shaun and I would argue over the most stupidest of things. We’re now in our new home which is a lot bigger so we have more room to ourselves and he has also let me go part time at work. He admitted the other day that since I have been part time I have been a lot happier and in turn life has been a lot easier between us at home. Although I never want to hear about people going through rough patches, it is nice to know other people are human as well on Instagram.

    Glad to know things are back on track now because you seem to be a lovely couple with two gorgeous children! xx

  17. Raisingmylittlewomen
    February 23, 2017 / 12:50 pm

    This is why you are my favourite blogger! I love your honesty about life and those taboo subjects, it’s not just all about the pretty stuff (which I love reading about too, don’t get me wrong!) I think you are so brave to stand up and speak the truth. Hats off and I’m glad you’re both through it now.
    I think anyone who has been in a relationship for a long period of time has rocky patches, whether they admit it or not. It’s so easy just to share the good and keep the tougher stuff hidden away but that’s not real life. I’ve been with my husband for 9 years and married for almost 8 (whirlwind romance). When our eldest daughter became ill and needed 18 months of chemo we found that we were pretty weak and vulnerable when we thought we would have been strong and pulling each other through it. We’ve had ups and downs since then too but I think now my expectations of him have changed. I now know how he deals with stress and it’s quite different to me, so we try our best to work through it in our own ways and come out together. Sometimes easier said than done!
    Oh, and it’s taken me nearly 8 years to talk my hubby into getting rid of some massive, hideous canvas pictures his parents gave us as a wedding gift – I feel your pain! Xx

  18. Laura
    February 23, 2017 / 12:53 pm

    Glad I’m not the only woman who openly tells my partner (to fall on deaf ears) a bunch of flowers would make a shit day so much better. Men do work so hard, especially my partner who is the main provider & works all hours. But equally I think when your at home with a toddler & you have dealt with tantrums, washing & deciding for the 292829th time what to cook for dinner, sometimes I think you need a small bit of appreciation. I’m with you. Glad it’s turned around for you, I always think to myself in a bad time, would I really truly be happier dealing with all the same problems but without him by my side. 😘

  19. Lainey
    February 23, 2017 / 1:01 pm

    Thank you for being so open and honest. Without you knowing it, you are probably helping so many people by normalising how hard marriage is. I have been married for 14 years and it’s been a rollercoaster with two children who give me reason to carry on when I feel down.
    As women we all have to talk men into almost everything but that’s just life! You should take a leaf out of my book and just shop when he isn’t looking lol.
    Take care and please keep posting as you are so inspiring xxxx

  20. Catherine
    February 23, 2017 / 1:04 pm

    I can relate to this on so many levels. My husband and I have never had difficult times and smugly wandered through life having the best time. Then our daughter was born… wow. That hit us out of nowhere. Nothing really prepared us for it and it really hit us hard. Now she’s one we are definitely on the other side but still not ‘there’. Thank you for writing such an honest post. Comforting to see others have rocky patches too. It’s part of the ride.

    • Catherine
      February 23, 2017 / 1:06 pm

      Oh and I can also relate to husband not taking time off when children are sick!!! But his passion for his job and how hard working he is was one of the main attractions… so gotta take the rough with th smooth!!

  21. Laura
    February 23, 2017 / 1:07 pm

    Thanks for this Cara! It was greatly needed. My husband and I have had a tough 2 years, something that couldn’t be portrayed by my IG feed, and why would I. Who wants to hear about all that stuff from me all the time. The last few months have been almost unbearable, we only started speaking yesterday after radio silence since Sunday. In this time I googled relate advisor details and ‘six signs you’re headed for divorce’. After 13 years of marriage and 17 together I guess we are bound to have our ups and downs but whilst to be expected it’s no less stressful, anxious and upsetting during the turbulent spells. We all go through it lovely, thank you for sharing. Also, thank you for allowing me to say how it’s been for me for the first time xx

  22. Emma wood
    February 23, 2017 / 1:08 pm

    This post is so honest cara. You have kind of summarised how I have been feeling lately too. I love Instagram too though sometimes it can make me feel like a failure if I am having a tricky time and others seem to be swimming along. We all have problems, some people are just better at hiding it than others! Sharing is a good thing 🙂 and reassuring for us out there that may be experiencing the same x

  23. Claire
    February 23, 2017 / 1:11 pm

    Cara,

    No wonder most bloggers steer clear of subjects like this when they generate comments like a certain somebody above, it takes guts to admit that you aren’t part of the perfect marriage right now to your closest family and friends nevermind complete and utter strangers on the internet…and some of those strangers are t**ts who think its ok to leave such comments about your marriage.

    It’s so easy for us readers to say things like ‘ignore the comments’ or ‘ they don’t know what they are talking about’ but that single comment sticks out between hundreds of positive ones and hurts… like kick in the dick hurts and will generate horrid feelings and upset but it will pass and they really do not know what they are talking about.

    Whether you’re a blogger, professional, stay at home mum or a million other things, women should empower one another and you have so many women who love what you do but now and again there is will always one to let the side down…

    your marriage belongs to you and Si…you got this

    x

  24. Wendy
    February 23, 2017 / 1:25 pm

    I’m so fed up with watching lovely honest people on insragram who write lovely honest blogs to then discover so opinionated fool who has obviously so much time on their hands and so much hate in themselves and the world around us, making people feel shit about themselves why can’t we as women support each other, and not put each other down my husband does my head in most days but I love him my kids drive me insane most days but I love them I’m far from perfect I’m sure I do their heads in everyday but that’s life no one is perfect not even u Katy and we all like nice things expensive or not that’s our business wat we spend our money on no one else’s mabey that’s the main issue here jealousy is an awful thing but hey ho u keep buying ur nice expensive things cara and take as lots of enjoyment out of buying and having them because ur entitled to. Ps love ur blogs and insta stories and ur home is devine xxxx

    • Katy
      February 25, 2017 / 1:06 am

      Why would you think I’m jealous because she buys expensive things! 😂 you don’t have to be a jealous person because you don’t agree with something…but obviously you know best! I also never claimed to be perfect either! I’m just saying what I see! And good god the man gives her everything….it it really the end of the world if he don’t buy her a bunch of flowers…it think he spends enough!!!!!

  25. Lucy
    February 23, 2017 / 1:42 pm

    I totally get this Cara. I’ve been with my husband 8 years and have always sailed along nicely…until the birth of my 1st son that is! We went through a really rough patch which made me question our compatibility. Seeing the “perfect” families of Instagram just exasperated my worries at this point.
    Thankfully we got through it but it has definitely taught me that marriage takes work! xx

  26. Heather
    February 23, 2017 / 1:43 pm

    Hi Cara. I’m so glad that it’s not just me that sees these “perfect” families and “perfect” husbands, it makes me feel so stressy that I am not enough and maybe we’re not good together because we’re not doing x, y and z, when in reality i have two children and a husband that works all week and we’re still renovating our house and although I can decide which walls need knocking down in a second, I’ve been ummmming and ahhhhing over and headboard for 3 months!!!
    Love stressed out x
    P.S your hair today, hair of dreams 😍

  27. Jess
    February 23, 2017 / 1:57 pm

    Fabulous post Cara! An area which many don’t cover.

    I came to the realisation a long while ago that sometimes, although we love eachother, we just don’t like eachother.

    When we go through a phase I say to my bessie “yea we’re good although I don’t like him very much this week”. But could I be without him? Hell no!

  28. Shardelle
    February 23, 2017 / 2:17 pm

    Hi cara… I have just started following you on instgram and I love your little vids through the day and I have just had a read through your blog and I think that you are very brave to be so honest about your relationship Every single relationship goes through hard times, keep doing what your doing and don’t listen to the hate. xx

  29. Ruth
    February 23, 2017 / 2:55 pm

    Lovely honest post Cara. I’m not married and gay so can’t comment on males but I do know women are bloody hard work too. Life throws all sorted of shit our way and I guess we just have to try and deal with things the best way we can 🙂
    I think you’re doing a fab job balancing life ( from what I see anyway )

    Oh and Ladies, remember everyone is allowed an opinion right? Why are you bashing Katy for writing hers?

    In my opinion Katy is wrong, No one knows what Cara and Si are like unless they know the couple personally.
    Less of the bashing girls, spread love and positivity not negativity 😊

  30. Ellen Lee Burrows
    February 23, 2017 / 2:55 pm

    Ellen
    February 23rd,2017 /14.32

    Love your blogs and Instagram,
    Alan and I have been married for 34 yrs.
    marriage is about ups and downs. If I can give any advice i would say if you can get through the good times and the bad times you will be fine. One thing I will say when it my birthday Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day I want flowers and u get them ha ha xxx

    • Ellen Lee Burrows
      February 23, 2017 / 3:15 pm

      Ment to say I get them. Forgot to mention I’m goin through the menopause. Feel sorry for my husband. Must be hard being on receiving end of al my moods x

  31. Katie
    February 23, 2017 / 3:48 pm

    What a brave and honest post. I am glad you have decided to work through your rough patch as you seem a lovely couple. Plus don’t under estimate the importance of a husband who can lay hall tiles, far more useful than flowers!! X

  32. Jen Williams
    February 23, 2017 / 5:50 pm

    Lovely honest post Cara, I know the subject matter is hard to share but your willingness to talk about all sides of life is why so many of us follow you every day. All marriages have such phases, I don’t doubt that there will be many more of us who understand and have similar stories to tell which hopefully will give you the support and reassurance you needed. I’m pleased you’re both working so hard at it, you have a lovely family and please don’t be worried about sharing too much, I’m very impressed with how well you coped with comments 😉

  33. Sophie
    February 23, 2017 / 8:25 pm

    I do love that quote at the end of this post, it is so true. It’s so difficult to admit to the shit bits of a relationship but by so openly sharing your story, others feel they can do the same which is brilliant. Sorry you received a really quite rude, and in my opinion mysoginistic, comment. Keep sharing x

  34. New mummy
    February 23, 2017 / 8:30 pm

    Hi Cara,
    I started following you on instagram after the MOD event at the lucky onion. I was sat by you and couldn’t stop looking at your shoes…grey and a bow…perfect!!!
    What an honest post and really brave to put out another side of life and how relationships are really hard at times. It’s so easy to feel blue and compare your life and relationship to other people’s perceived ‘instagram life’ which as you so honestly admit is a filtered version of your life.
    I’ve been having a tough few weeks with bickering and a young baby and I think your words have made me feel a bit better.
    I’m glad all is brighter in your house xxx

  35. Emma
    February 23, 2017 / 8:38 pm

    Such a brave blog cara I admire you so much for being so honest and open about your marriage.My husband sounds so much like yours I think I’ve given up all hope on the romance side and learned that’s just his way.I think some times we need a bump in the road to realise how much you actually do love & care for each other and probibly couldent live with out one another.so glad you worked things out and thank you

    Emma x x

  36. Norah
    February 23, 2017 / 9:09 pm

    Firstly, I’m glad you wrote about this. But I’m also so glad so many other women commented too. Sometimes I feel like my relationship is almost stupid in comparison to other people’s because we rarely have “date night” or because I only get flowers on Valentine’s Day, or another one of 4637 silly reasons. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one feeling like this sometimes and it’s nice to know that my relationship is actually quite normal. So thank you all.

  37. Libby
    February 23, 2017 / 10:01 pm

    People’s negative comments about you says far more about them as a person that it does about you…don’t forget it!!I feel like I know you now I see your posts even though I don’t so much
    Keep up the good work your smashing it!
    Libby x

    • Cara
      February 24, 2017 / 9:33 am

      Thank you so much Libby x

  38. Rebecca
    February 23, 2017 / 10:47 pm

    Fab blog post
    You never fail to deliver 😘
    Relationships are tough iv been with my husband for 15 years and for ten of those I think I hated him 😂 But we worked at it have 3 little monsters and I love him more now than I did when I married him
    Ps you keep on making me buy things I just say blame Cara 😳😂 xx

  39. Katy H
    February 23, 2017 / 10:53 pm

    Hey Cara, as per my message earlier, this post really made me well up. I had what I thought was the ‘perfect’ marriage, the cooing envious friends and even the Insta pics to prove it. Except it wasn’t. After 12 years together and 7 years married, my husband and I separated just 5 months ago completely out of the blue (not my choice).

    My husband was ace. Funny, kind my absolute best friend and the last person in the universe I thought would a) leave or b) have an affair. He did both. He hit the stereotypical ‘mid life crisis’ a tad early (late 30s) and our lives went bang. I didn’t know much about marriage problems or how to spot warning signs that something was wrong. But for the most part nothing was wrong. We literally never argued had never had a ‘bad patch’ and that was maybe part of the problem, neither person speaking up, the stress and strains of every day, work all mounting.

    For some reason issues in marriage are really taboo. I would do anything to be able to go back and understand what went wrong. I wish I had had that ‘bad patch’ to have worked through things. Maybe sometimes inevitably marriages breakdown but if we all understood what it takes to make a marriage work, we’d understand that it isn’t all laughs and fun all the time and that sometimes it takes hard work. We live in a throw away society and people don’t try like they maybe once did. Marriages take commitment and effort. Its a choice to love everyday.

    So thank you for being so honest. And for sharing. I know I have ended up feeling really shit about my situation and that I’ve failed at life because of all the insta happy pictures of families so its a nice reminder that behind the ‘prettiness’ is real life. And bad patches are good. They help us learn and grow. They are necessary for the long term and no-one should be ashamed of that.

    I love your honesty and how open you are. Don’t let the comments of one person knock what you do really, really well

    xxx

  40. February 24, 2017 / 10:34 am

    Touché!

    Ive been following your blog for months now and am refreshed by your honesty and humour. I completely agree with this post and anyone who disagrees with it simply haven’t been together long enough. I felt very similar about letting people in to the rough parts of relationships when I wrote a post on my own blog but it’s actually very therapeutic and something we all relate too. Thanks for the insight; you’ve got through that now when the next time comes along you’ll get through that one too because you know you can.

  41. Katy
    February 25, 2017 / 12:57 am

    Hey let’s get one thing straight….I’m certainly not a ‘troll’ and has anyone ever heard of freedom of speech!! It’s funny how if one person doesn’t agree on something you all jump on them…no I don’t have a perfect life…I’m a single mum to 4 children one of which with a dissabilty! I commented on this after I read about the ‘bin post’ if your going to put your life on social media then expect some negative comments….there’s children out there with nothing…there’s so much poverty and hurt in the world yet you want to moan and whine about a stupid 200quid bin…you put up posts everyday trying to be funny and moaning about your kids constantly when there’s also people out there who desperately want them!!! I’m certainly not jealous and my children want for nothing but I’m bored of seeing bratty women on insragram who compete to have the best of the best just so they can look good!!

  42. Suzanne
    February 25, 2017 / 7:50 am

    Katy….I’ve got a BRILLIANT idea… don’t follow!! Don’t read the blog! Don’t have to make any comments! Viola!!

    • Katy
      February 25, 2017 / 8:36 am

      Il let you into a little secret 😉 I don’t follow anymore 😂 but I’m getting emails on this blog…it’s quite funny…your all getting on your high horses just because iv said something negative 😂 I’m sorry if speaking the truth is so bad but I do find cara the most annoying women on instagram…!!!

      • Suzanne
        February 25, 2017 / 9:00 am

        Bye Katy 👋🏼

  43. Leanne Reardon
    August 31, 2017 / 4:01 pm

    I feel like this post just may have just saved me – thankyou x

  44. Georgie
    October 3, 2017 / 9:39 am

    Ok, I’m going to be brutally honest here. I’ve seen you a few times and follow you on Instagram and wasn’t sure if you were my thing. It all seemed so perfect…. There is absolutely nothing wrong with perfect evidentially it’s me with the issue here. However, this morning, from my flu infested death bed I have read your entire blog. You are now my girl crush. I got you wrong. So wrong. I have spent the last five minutes high fiving the air and giving a few air punches in response to the above post. I’ve/we’ve been there. Your post is very powerful and painfully honest. Good on you. X

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