With so many people talking about body confidence and how we need to change people’s perception of the perfect body, I can’t help but grit my teeth.
It seems more often than not people are using the term ‘real women’ but only applying it to those size 14 women who still seem to have this amazing flat stomach and pretty face. It’s like we are creating a different aspiration but it’s still going to be unattainable for some people.
It leaves me feeling just as shitty as when I look at all these Victoria Secret models. I find myself looking at these girls that weigh more than me and yet look better and I literally don’t know what to do. It means weight loss isn’t really the answer.
Im not saying there aren’t positives from us talking about body confidence because obviously its important and I really hope that it will make a massive difference to the younger generations but I cant help but feel its lost on me. I have it so ingrained in my brain that I won’t look nice unless I’m skinny. Yet I can see beauty in other women of any size. Its like I just can’t be nice to myself.
Coat Newlook. Dress M&S Cardigan M&S Hat Asos
We all know that social media has the ability to make us feel either on top of the world, like we don’t want to climb out of bed or like the school child who is last to be picked for the team. I however don’t feel pressure from social media. I follow accounts that inspire me to look at myself and find happiness with what I have such as the wonderful Kelly from Love Yourself Lean. Im sat here saying it isn’t working for me though. (I am trying Kelly)
I miss the days when I actually felt sexy and confident. The more we move through January the clearer it is to me that the goals I set for myself only a few weeks ago are all the wrong ones. I can see myself sat down in December writing the exact same list for 2018.
I watched a program talking about weight issues a few days ago and the very clever man said something that has stuck with me. We are the only animal that needs to snack and we feel like being hungry is a bad thing. We don’t see lions grazing on little mice while they are waiting for their zebra lunch. *eats granola mumbling ‘I ain’t no lion sugar tits’
Id love to sit here and write down the answers but I don’t have them. I know all the right words to say but if I don’t believe them what would be the point. The one thing I do know is that you have to have the intention to make things better. For me that always starts with shopping. Whether it be to buy an amazing cookbook or an amazing outfit, ORif you’re actually mental… workout wear. (Im not there yet, I’m still very much in the exercise is too risky camp)
So my superficial problem solving technique. Shopping. Some pick me ups and self love buys.
I have got into such a rut with lingerie and it definitely screams ‘Im a mum’ rather than ‘Im miss sassy pants’ So here is some of my favourites at the moment.
Floral bra M&S Black bra Boohoo Pink set Topshop Lace body River Island
I have just had my acrylic nails removed, in the spirit of being self employed now and trying to cut costs. So now I am trying to pamper my hands as much as possible. I have been using this Jurlique hand cream and its incredible. I have been keeping it in my handbag and applying twice a day (or more if I remember) and I have managed to avoid that horrible breaking stage after removing false nails. If you are a new shopper to Feel Unique you can get 15% off by shopping with my link here. Good hands and painted nails make a massive difference to how I feel about myself. It can turn a day around and make it seem like I’ve got my shit together.
Through gritted teeth I also will be buying myself some new bath bombs. I say this because it bugs me that we have to class having a bath as ‘me time’. Yet when you have children sometimes this is the only alone time we have. That should have been my first New Years resolution. Alone time!
Funny how just by writing this down I feel like I need to really get down to the route of my body issues and make changes. I don’t want to look back and think ‘Look how lovely you were why didn’t you see it’
Cara
Great post! I think you look pretty fabulous 😘
Totally agree about “alone time”. Sometimes I may be lucky and get a wee in peace too..
X
You’ve totally hit the nail on the head about body ideals still being unattainable no matter what size they flaunt. As someone who has always been smaller I have felt frustration at celebrating only curvier figures when in fact body confidence has very little to do with the actual shape or size of your body, it’s something internal. My body issues have rarely been size related, they’ve been about the way my upper thighs are plagued with cellulite, or that one boob isn’t quite as big as the other, or that my upper lip looks like I have mustache! haha I think the issue lies in striving for perfection. A lot of body confidence companies flaunt this idea that you can love your body so much that you spend every morning wanking over yourself in the mirror before your day even begins (I like to term this concept, bullshit) and it’s just not what real life is. Everyone has a day when they want to do a Britney 2005, shave their head and head to the nearest car with a baseball and to me the key isn’t nailing that, it’s learning how to have that moment and not live there. Laugh about it and move on, and as you say, buy some sassy pants underwear and focus on some good shit. I actually think you’ve got it nailed more than you think babe.
You’ve totally hit the nail on the head about body ideals still being unattainable no matter what size they flaunt. As someone who has always been smaller I have felt frustration at celebrating only curvier figures when in fact body confidence has very little to do with the actual shape or size of your body, it’s something internal. My body issues have rarely been size related, they’ve been about the way my upper thighs are plagued with cellulite, or that one boob isn’t quite as big as the other, or that my upper lip looks like I have mustache! haha I think the issue lies in striving for perfection. A lot of body confidence companies flaunt this idea that you can love your body so much that you spend every morning wanking over yourself in the mirror before your day even begins (I like to term this concept, bullshit) and it’s just not what real life is. Everyone has a day when they want to do a Britney 2005, shave their head and head to the nearest car with a baseball and to me the key isn’t nailing that, it’s learning how to have that moment and not live there. Laugh about it and move on, and as you say, buy some sassy pants underwear and focus on some good shit. I actually think you’ve got it nailed more than you think babe.
What I am trying to say about my issues being internal
is that no one in the world would ever notice the things I see as bad about my body.
Author
Absolutely the same here!
It’s unbelievable to me that you feel this way because I look at you and wish I had your body. X
Author
I hide my horrible bits under baggy clothing! But thank you!
Loved this post….I’ve been a 12 at biggest and now a 6/8 and I can say at any size and even the size I am now I’m still not body confident. I always still look at myself and see room for improvement and they almost always involve more weight loss! Why is that? I’d love to look in the mirror and say…your fine how you are! Will that day ever come? I doubt it! How do I make this happen? I have no f-I got clue but would love to know if anyone has the magic answer??! And for what it’s worth…you always look gorgeous xx
Great post – and so true! I can’t say I’ve ever been super confident about my body but I understood it, I knew it. Then I had a baby and have no clue what this body I’ve got now is all about!
Whenever I feel down about my body I think do you know what, this is going to be the best it’ll ever be so be thankful. When I’m 40, 50, 60 I’ll look back and think I’d do anything to look like I did when I was 30. (I know this might not necessarily be true and i could be some super fit 60 year old but looking at me now i doubt it) X
Great post! I too get downhearted at conversations (online and off) celebrating real women – but only a certain type of real woman. I’m naturally petite (aka the chest of a teenager) and have so often had to listen to people cheer up curvier friends (who have their own body confidence issues) but with comments such as ‘men only want a woman with curves’. I’m like – HELLO!
Maybe we all need to find our own reason why our body is great – and that reason doesn’t have to be about what your body looks like but what it allows you to do. I actually love exercise (which is probably why my boobs still haven’t grown – and apparently boob jobs aren’t as important as paying a mortgage) and so I am trying to focus on what my body is capable of in terms of that – i.e., my legs have carried me round a marathon. Your body has certainly given you two gorgeous sons. And for the days when finding a reason is too hard – thank god for padded bras and spanx X
You are just gorgeous the way you are, but I can totally relate to this post. Thanks for being so open and honest. Real inspiration! Jessica x
I have some women ask where my baby weight went and I say “it’s tucked in my tights!”. I feel complimented but equally I am saying to myself “no it really is tucked in your tights that reach my boobs almost.. do something about it!” I guess we will always aspire and be aspired but it’s difficult to self love. Something I am working on and hope to actually achieve?! Sometimes seems impossible but it has been done and that keeps me going!
I remember the strong phase of “real women have curves” but I think it is dying down a little now. I have curves in some places but it still infurtiates me. I hope it’s only some stupid idiotic men that actually believe that real women have curves although I’m sure many women feel this way which is such a shame and possibly just an indirect scream of their own insecurity.
Anway I am rambling now but you write so many of my own thoughts and it’s one of the reasons I love your blog so thank you Cara 🙂