You never have two the same. 

You never have two the same. 

Hello! My name is Cara and I have two small boys. Well one is smaller than the other but only in size definitely not in personality.
‘You never have two the same!’ That’s what everyone told me when I was pregnant with my second. What a ridiculous statement. Obviously no two people are the same. Que eye rolling and my standard smug face.

You see Harbor, who is now 5, is probably as close to a model child as you can get. He even has the perfectly neat blonde hair and raised shoulder smile that melts hearts. He loves structure and to be told that he is being good and doing well. He tells me I look beautiful when I get ready in the morning and he loads the dishwasher after dinner (amongst other jobs) I literally thought I’d fucking nailed parenthood. What was all the fuss about?
Introducing Sonny Hart (2years) he has wild curly hair and the most wicked personality to match. Since he has been around I have been in a constant state of high alert, ready to catch that flying object before it smashes a vase and ready to distract the crowds when he lies on the floor in tesco declaring ‘you’re not my best friend’ because I’d refused to make a sandwich for his teddy.
They are very different and I feel lost somewhere in the middle as I don’t think you can parent them in the same way. Harbor is motivated by being good. Easy. Tell him the rules and tell him well done. Sonny, well I haven’t found his motivation. Consequence is very meh to him and we are still in negotiations over whether he is ever allowed child scissors again after I found them in his nappy (like the true gangster drug lord I fully expect he’ll grow up to be)

It often makes me wonder if the second child is always the naughtier one and why that is. I’d love to know what happens when you add a third to the mix, sadly daddy Suthers tells me to think again when I dim the lights and whisper ‘shall we have a third?’ In fact if I even touch the dimmer he is there with ‘don’t be a knob head’ (he’ll come around to it)

Although they are completely different and I’m sure it would have been so much easier if they were both like my first, it absolutely works. I find my days are full of so much laughter because I literally can’t predict what will happen next and it has taught Harbor that it’s ok to be silly and actually to sometimes be naughty. Because hey, no one likes a goodie two shoes do they.

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12 Comments

  1. August 26, 2016 / 10:04 am

    Love this post-so relatable! 😂😂Your boys are both gorgeous and each picture seems to capture their personalities. My two are the same age as your boys and I also have the model first born daughter and then the ‘don’t know if you’re going to cuddle me or throw that heavy toy at me’ 2 yo boy.
    Parenting for me is just trying not to lose my shit each day. I’m just about winning so far… 👌🏻
    Great post x

  2. Beverley
    August 26, 2016 / 1:14 pm

    Love your blog Cara and your one of my favourite Instagram accounts that I follow and I follow quite a lot! Try to not let the negative comments get to you and keep being you! x

  3. Rebecca
    August 26, 2016 / 1:20 pm

    I could have wrote this myself, it’s exactly how my 4.5 + 2yo boys are. I feel like I know 100% how to parent my first, I understand how he thinks, what motivates him, the best way to discipline but none of it applies to the second. I’m so glad I’m not alone, I always worry it’s something I’m doing wrong. Parenting two completely different personalities is hard work but your not alone xx

  4. Niki BH
    August 26, 2016 / 2:33 pm

    I have 3 .. Phoebe (15), Archie (almost 13) & Harry (10.5) .. They are all very different .. P has always been very independent & very focused, A is a sensitive soul with a fab sense of humour & H well he’s on the go all the time .. Never a dull moment with him .. They can drive me insane but they always fill my life with love and laughter .. Keep trying for number 3 .. It’s the best 💗💙💛 .. Love your IG account ..

  5. August 26, 2016 / 11:42 pm

    Wow this is like reading about my two. Isla is the model child, we joke that she pretty much parents herself. She thrives on being told what a good girl she is and won’t even go down a flight of stairs without making sure I’m behind her. Leni on the other hand is feral! I still don’t understand how two children, same parents, same gender can be so different but they are! If there is a chance of naughty about then Len will be right there front and centre.
    But, she’s a joy to watch and I can’t remember a day she doesn’t make me laugh, even when I’m flat on my back from the sheer exhaustion of chasing after her all day!
    Time for number 3? 🙈 Xxx

  6. Louise
    August 27, 2016 / 12:11 am

    I also have 2 boys now ages 14 & 10, the eldest has always been the more ‘testing’ of the two (which is proving fun during the hormonal teenage years!) whilst the youngest has always been very laid back, happy to help and most of the time does what he’s told. Although they look very similar they are definately like chalk & cheese.

  7. Ella Henry
    August 27, 2016 / 12:15 am

    Cara, your boys are both perfect. Always have been. And more to the point I have always admired how you are with them.
    This post sums up exactly how I remember Harbor being and is the exact reason he will always be the child I remember from Angels. No one else could pick me up like he could after I’d had 4 hours sleep, scraped my hair back and gone into work exhausted.
    Never let anyone doubt what you do with them, I always look forward to seeing what lovely little people they are growing into! Love to the Sutherlands 😘 X

  8. Charlotte Mabbutt
    August 28, 2016 / 9:24 pm

    Absolutely cracked me up.

    Wonder how my two will work together (3 and 6 months)

    I hope they are the best of friends – they make me laugh so much already.

    Bloody tough, but bloody good fun too.

    You’re Ace X

  9. Georgina meadows
    August 31, 2016 / 7:59 am

    This is like reading my life with 2 boys of nearly the same age! My first Oscar being the most sensitive and always to please you he is easy peasy and I feel like I have smashed parenting! Then Arthur come along the bull in a china shop, the boy has no fear and doesn’t care if you shout till your blue in the face he merely stamps his foot at me then points and says no like I’m the bad one! My life is never boring but I wouldn’t change it they bring me so much joy and tears but everyday is amazing and new journey.
    Mum of two boys x

  10. Nicola
    September 19, 2016 / 7:49 pm

    Only just got round to catching up on your blog 🙂
    This one is so true….my first is golden, my second is stubborn, determined and has energy I could only wish for. My third…..a bit of both. And it’s blissful
    Go on…..go for the dimmer switch 😉 xx

  11. December 24, 2016 / 8:58 pm

    This made me laugh out loud. My son is the crazy one, and I sincerely hope when I have another someday that I get the ‘model child’. Here’s hoping!

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