The Third Child Debate

The Third Child Debate

I’m very shyly putting pen to paper here (or thumb to touchscreen) because I believe that how many children and when people have them seems like something that sparks an opinion.

Si and I got pregnant about three months after we started seeing each other, unfortunately this ended in a miscarriage and although yes very tragic it definitely meant our story hasn’t been traditional and therefore some of what I’m talking about now hasn’t been what we personally have experienced.

What I have seen from friends who  did things ‘the proper way’ is the second they’d walked up the aisle and changed their name on their bank card people started sliding over with ‘so it’ll be a baby soon then?’

To me this is the rudest thing in the world. Coaching peoples choices, voicing your expectations of how they should live their life. But I totally do it. I’m pushy with it too. An example of this is my friend Jessica who I send pictures to when Sonny shits in the bath telling her she needs to have a child, why should I endure this and she gets away with it. I don’t need to send the abuse anymore as  she has a French bulldog now that pretty much shits everywhere so I guess we are even.

I have two boys. Sonny is two and a half which means the red light has come on and people know it’s time to ask the question.

Will you have another?

I always say no. That seems like the answer that is easier to go back on than the other way around. I feel funny about three. I don’t feel like I’m adult enough to ever make that decision. I even spent some time googling if I should. If you haven’t done this I’ll save you some time, in short everyone said that three is terrible as it means there are more children than adults and the only safe way to rectify the situation is to have four. FOUR. I already look like a shark victim from my C-sections god knows what would be left of me after four.

I have spoke before about the gender disappointment I went through while pregnant with Sonny and I’m genuinely over that now. So I wouldn’t be having a third so I could have a girl.

I also feel like three children is greedy. We have been so lucky having two healthy children would we be tempting fate that the next wouldn’t be healthy. Along with my two horrendous births (where at one point the doctor talked about the possibility of a hysterectomy)  would I be being stupid and risking my own health.

In all honesty I’m sat on the fence with it. When someone I know has a third and reports back honestly, that’s when, and only then, that I’ll be able to make a decision. Which I guess will also mean a new marriage as Si says over his dead body. (Every cloud)

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2 Comments

  1. Donna
    August 3, 2016 / 8:28 am

    I feel exactly the same way about having four! I’ve been so lucky to have three healthy children and I’m also over 30 now so have a fear of being an ‘older’ mum. Not because I’m old (I’m only 32!) but because my eldest child is 12 and I feel that’s a long timespan to be having babies. I’m still unsure but it’s not ruled out yet! As for having three, it’s not as bad as people say. I always wanted three children and I love it! The balance of being a family of five is much better than it was when we were just four. My two eldest sons were (& still can be) a nightmare together and my daughter has come along and really balanced our dynamics out. Not because she’s a girl, really she’s a boy in a girls body, more of a boy than my youngest son in some ways, but because she’s stopped the constant battles between the boys and really is the perfect mix of us all. Whatever you decide, follow your heart and do it for you and your family, despite what all of us onlookers say. Have fun trying – or just have fun!

  2. Sarah
    October 2, 2016 / 8:33 pm

    I don’t think anyone can answer that for you, even if you did know someone with three. A third for them might be a complete nightmare and put you off something which, for you, might be the unexpected missing piece to your family. You just don’t know. I think it’s up to you and your husband, and perhaps when the timings right the decision might even be taken out of your hands and a third will make his/her appearance naturally?
    I was one of three, the middle child, I hated it – middle child syndrome and all that. Although as an adult it doesn’t bother me in the slightest, and looking back I think it was just an excuse to play up haha!!
    Me and my husband have been trying for our first for 2 & a half years, since we got married. Despite being together for 10 years, we wanted to do it the ‘proper way’ as you put it.bin hindsight, I sort of wish we didn’t wait. It’s tough going when something you think will be easy, an expected next stage in our relationship…or so that’s what everyone keeps telling you. Grow up, get married and have babies. Life doesn’t work out as planned, does it.
    If you ‘can’ have children: physically, emotionally & finacially, then the question is why not? But, the only people who can answer that is you and your husband. It’s no one else’s business, really.

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