No Title, No Idea

No Title, No Idea

I was a 16 year old that was desperate to be unique. When the other girls were having sex and wearing heels I was wearing Doc Martins and and hiding under tables to avoid the sixth formers asking me out. (True story, he eventually found me and I said yes. Until he dedicated a song to me in assembly and then played his guitar like he was masterbating furiously and I thought ‘this guys gotta go’)

I guess I was the kind of confused where you think you know exactly who you are, In my case arty, eccentric and moody but really just desperate to be liked and for someone to show me what the right choices were.

So after a visit to the careers advisor she decided that I should study Media at college. (I think she took one look at my shoes and thought I’d fit in there)

So I studied media, film and photography and then went to uni to study media again. Where I dropped out because no one really liked me.

Then I started working part time at a wine shop and within months and at the baby age of 19 was made manager. This started my manager journey of about 10 years. I’m conscious this post shouldn’t be a CV so I’ll skip to the now and to the point.

I’ve never known what I should be.  I’ve never had an obvious talent and now I feel unfulfilled. I have fallen into the trap of thinking other people’s lives are so much better than my own. I look at these mothers, with the perfect house, perfect children AND career and feel like a bit of a failure.

I don’t really like my job. I hate the stigma that you are uneducated if you are a carer and honestly I do feel embarrassed telling people what I do. Which is crazy because I know I help people and that’s an amazing thing.


Peoples advice has been ‘hey, do what makes you happy’ but it turns out eating chocolate and fake tanning is so niche that no one has made a career out of it yet. (Except Gemma Collins)

So I guess I’m still that 16 year old who just wants to be liked and who just wants someone to tell me what the right choices are. Except with age I’ve learnt to not respond well to advice. So now I’m sat here both defensive and giving you the puppy dog eyes all at once. What a time to be alive.

Cara

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8 Comments

  1. Sarah
    July 10, 2016 / 7:36 pm

    Oh wow Cara. It’s like your telling my story (FYI I’m still rocking the DMs!!!)
    I’m not talented at anything. I’m ok (ish) at a few things, so have always felt a little lost, and incredibly envious at those that seem to have their shit together.
    I have to confess, I though you were one of those. The super talented, super mum, super house type. So, maybe acting is your thing?! Tee hee hee.
    I don’t mean that negatively, I’m far from a hater.
    But if I’m honest I think we all feel like that. Even the models, who look gorgeous in everything & jet set across the globe. The world is their oyster. I bet even them have down days.
    Tomorrow is another day. Life is what you make it. It’s never too old to start something new. Learn a new skill. Take up a new hobby.
    I think you’re fab anyway x

  2. Julie
    July 10, 2016 / 10:16 pm

    Just an idea… you could make more of a career out of blogging and start vlogging too… I’d love to see your vlogs as you are real and down to earth xx

  3. July 10, 2016 / 10:41 pm

    The only thing I ever wanted to be was a mum I never had any career ambitions , and I luckily get to fulfill that dream! Unfortunately I also need to pay the bills. I am a childminder, I love it and it’s as close to being a stay at home mum as I can get! Quite often people (unintentionally) put my job down and ask me if I would prefer a “proper” job.

    For me caring is one of the most important jobs we can do, I keep babies and children safe, fulfilled and loved which allows their parents to go about their “proper” jobs with a relaxed mind and a settled heart.

    I’m not sure about the exact nature of your job but if you are a carer then you are providing priceless care to those you look after. I know you work nights so you allow many family members to sleep with relaxed minds and settled hearts, you are there with gentle hands and caring words when they can’t be.

    Hold your head up high and be proud of yourself for providing for your wee family and providing piece of mind to the families of your charges at work xx

  4. Becky
    July 11, 2016 / 10:16 am

    Omg cara!! Ur one of those mums with an amazingly beautiful house, beautiful family, the perfect hair (😡) and a figure To die for (killing myself trying to get any where near ur size 😩🙄) ….I feel like how ur describing. On the other hand I know I’m very lucky, no I don’t have a career I help the husband with his business (headstones 🙋🏻🙄😱) but I have 3 beautiful children and I feel so lucky, we do a lot as a mother and wife and sometimes we don’t give ourselves enough credit! Ur fabulous and so am I 💪🏻😘

  5. Maria
    July 11, 2016 / 12:59 pm

    Well now im bawling my eyes out and i don’t think that was the aim of the post! 😭😳 currently living in a town I hate a house I don’t love in a job that means nothing and 100 miles from my friends, of which I only have enough to count on one hand as it is. Just assuming everything will fall into place and work its way out! Argh. Unintentional parenthood. Poop. And now it’s raining and the Windows upstairs are all wide open. Gah.

  6. Holly
    July 11, 2016 / 3:08 pm

    Hi Cara, I’ve followed you on Instagram for a while and find you so relatable and also pretty damn funny! Your house and boys are soooo gorgeous!
    I am a mum of one with one on the way and constantly compare myself to other mums – I think we all do it. Maybe by the time I’m 40 I’ll know who I am and be more content with it. Or maybe I’ll always be comparing myself and I’ll just have to be ok with that. I went to uni and have been a teacher for 7 years – but that doesn’t mean I feel any more of a success or any less lost. I stumbled into my career and wonder EVERY DAY how I can do something else which will make me more fulfilled and feel less like I just settled for the first idea that popped into my head. Your blog will hopefully open doors for you and give you that outlet you want for your quirky and creative side! Good luck 🌟💖 Can’t wait to read more!! X

  7. July 11, 2016 / 8:41 pm

    I just caught up on a few of your blogs, I follow ur Instagram and you never fail to make me smile or laugh on pretty much a daily basis! You take beautiful photos and have a lovely home, kids, husband, dogs! And I believe it takes a very special person to be a carer. You are beautiful… those nasty comments are just jealousy! X

  8. Lauren
    July 12, 2016 / 6:32 pm

    I could have wrote this. I’m 31, 2 sons and a job as a retail manager which I’v been doing since I was 22. I want to do a job that challenges me, makes me want to learn. I didn’t stick in at school so any form of qualification would take me longer to get as I would need to do an access course.
    Carers are such special people, don’t ever forget that!

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